


Hiraeth

by DecemberCamie



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Canon Universe, Cell Phones, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-23 21:37:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12517112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DecemberCamie/pseuds/DecemberCamie
Summary: “I miss you,” Gon says.Killua stares up at the ceiling, tracing the outlines of glow-in-the-dark stars that have been up there for who knows how long. The only reason he can see them is because of how dark it is outside; clouds coat this area in constant shade, and the nighttime only makes the lack of light more present, more obvious.“Killua?”He sighs heavily into his phone’s speaker. “You’ve said that before, you know.”





	Hiraeth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xyliane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xyliane/gifts).



> Hiraeth- a Welsh, untranslatable feeling, hiraeth is loosely described as a homesickness for a home you cannot return to anymore or a place, which never even existed. Connotations of sadness, yearning, profound nostalgia, and wistfulness are imbued into the state of hiraeth. Overall this beautiful, but painful longing is an expression of an empty desire and grief over a past life or place. It is the ultimate signifier of a bond, which has ceased to exist.

“I miss you,” Gon says.

Killua stares up at the ceiling, tracing the outlines of glow-in-the-dark stars that have been up there for who knows how long. The only reason he can see them is because of how dark it is outside; clouds coat this area in constant shade, and the nighttime only makes the lack of light more present, more obvious.

“Killua?”

He sighs heavily into his phone’s speaker. “You’ve said that before, you know.”

“I know! But I really, really mean it this time.”

Killua rolls his eyes. “You _always_ mean it, Gon.”

“Only because it’s the truth. I always miss you.”

A flash lights up the window and illuminates the bedroom walls. Killua doesn’t react to the sudden brightness. He just waits until the light’s faded again and goes back to tracing the plastic stars on the ceiling.

Gon’s words ring with honestly, are weighed down by a kind of one-hundred percent bluntness that only Gon can pull off. But that doesn’t drain the pain out of each syllable and it only makes the empty ache in Killua’s chest throb.

He grips the phone harder. “We saw each other last week,” Killua says quietly. “You shouldn’t miss me.”

“I always miss you,” Gon repeats. 

“Even when we were together?”

“Well...no, maybe not then. I couldn’t really miss you while you were right there, you know? But all the other times, I do!”

Killua snorts. “Smooth recovery, doofus.”

Gon’s responding laughter is crackling static. It doesn’t compare to hearing the sound in person, and it sucks to realize that.

“Did you have a good sixteenth birthday, at least?” Killua asks to forget the low burn in the back of his throat.

“Mhm.” There’s a creaking sound on the other end- Gon moving around, probably- before Gon says cheerfully,  _“You_ were there. How could I not have a good birthday?”

Killua scrunches up his nose, hating the prickle of heat rising to his cheeks. “Stupid. I always call you on your birthday, don’t I?”

“Yeah, but you were actually _here_ this time. And we got to go exploring like we did the first time I brought you back to Whale Island, and make a cake and everything. It was really nice! I had a really good time. It was the best birthday ever, I think.”

“And it was all because  _I_ was there, right?” Killua drawls. He’s just messing with Gon; he knows he’s not that crucial to Gon’s enjoyment of his birthday-

“Absolutely!”

Killua sputters indignantly. His chest feels tight and somehow light at the same time. “You!!! Dammit, Gon, that was a  _joke-”_

Gon’s giggling cut him off before he can get another word in. “I know! But I’m being serious. Being with you makes me happy, Killua. Of course having you with me made it the best birthday ever. Phone calls and pictures are great, but it’s nothing compared to us actually being together, you know?”

Killua relaxes back into the sheets and mountain of pillows. “Yeah, I...I know.”

There’s a comfortable pause. Light flashes around the room again, brighter this time, but Killua doesn’t even wince. 

He counts down silently,  _1....2....3-_

_BOOM_

A deep rumple shakes the house. The lamp on his nightstand trembles and Killua’s skateboard slides off the wall and to the floor with a _thud._ After a few seconds, the boom fades away into the night, leaving the room quiet once more.

“What was that?” Gon asks, sounding more curious than alarmed.

“Lightning,” Killua says with a faint smile. 

“Oh?”

“Mhm. Got a letter from Wing the other day saying he’d read about this awesome cliff in Ochima; it has these cracks in the surface and it lights up with this bright flash a couple times an hour. Kind of like lightning. He thought I could learn some stuff by visiting.”

“And the boom?”

Killua shrugs awkwardly- his shoulder gets caught in the sheets- before remembering that Gon can’t actually _see_ him. Out loud, he explains, “Sometimes there’s that sound after the flashes.”

“Like thunder.”

Killua hums. “Yep. Just like thunder.”

“Wow...that’s really cool, Killua. You must be having a great time there!”

Killua smiles to himself. He remembers climbing over glowing rocks with Alluka, gaping at the weird local creatures who’s exoskeleton flashed with the light underground. The residents were friendly and willingly offered him and Alluka all types of gifts and food.

“It’s been so long since we had any visitors!” they all told them with broad smiles. “Take as much as you’d like! Do you have a place to stay?”

Blinking away the memory, Killua says to Gon, “I am. We’re actually staying with this old lady who offered me and Alluka two rooms in her own house. She even cooks for us and everything.”

“How old is old?” Gon asks and Killua can practically hear the mischievous grin in his best friend’s tone. “Like, Bisky old?”

_“Older,”_  Killua says and Gon chuckles.

“Careful, Killua. You don’t want Bisky to catch you saying that.”

“Like I care. I can take her on!”

“You’re funny, Killua. I don’t think anyone can take Bisky on when someone calls her an old hag.”

The memory of Bisky in her fully-realized from comes to Killua’s mind and he shudders. “Okay. Maybe you have a point there...”

Gon laughs again and Killua feels his heart swell to twice it’s normal size. His eyes flutter shut, letting the happy sound wash over him and warm him from the inside out. He tries to picture Gon as he is now: golden skin dotted with unfamiliar scars, chest broader and stronger than Killua remembers from his fourteen-year-old self, jaw covered with a slight stubble.

Pressure builds up behind Killua’s eyes. He saw Gon last week, but that doesn’t really mean anything. 

“I miss you, too,” he whispers and Gon’s laughter dies away in a second.

“You...you mean it, Killua?” Gon asks. Killua swallows thickly at the broken tone, the thick layer of sadness hanging over every word.

“Yeah.” He grips the phone until he hears the metal groan and creak. “I- I miss you a lot. I wish you were here.”

“I wish  _you_  were  _here._ My bed doesn’t smell like you anymore.”

Killua jolts at that, because- what?! _What?!_

“What,” he says out loud and Gon makes a tiny huffing sound.

“My bed, Killua! It doesn’t smell like you anymore, and that makes me sad. It means you’re gone again and I don’t know when I’ll see you next.”

Killua squeezes his eyes shut again and lets out a long breath. Stupid Gon with his stupid nose. The fact that he even paid attention to stuff like that is...

Weird. Definitely weird. But that doesn't stop Killua’s face from burning or his heart flipping in his chest. It makes him feel giddy and warm and happy and that’s  _stupid_. Killua is stupid.

“Killua? Are you still there?”

“Yeah, I’m just...” He sighs, drags a hand down the side of his scarlet cheeks. “You’re really weird sometimes, Gon.”

“Mmm. Maybe. But you don’t mind that, so I think it’s okay!”

Killua grits his teeth. Gon’s going to make him explode from sheer mortification one day. He’s sure of it. “Yeah, sure, whatever. Weirdo.”

Gon giggles and Killua’s scowl softens. He can’t help but melt around Gon, even if he’s a thousand miles away. He holds back a yawn as he hears Gon ask-

“Hey, Killua?”

“What?”

“Isn’t it late there? I mean, Ochima’s on the other side of the world.”

Killua drags his gaze over to the clock, which also just happens to be glow-in-the-dark. The hands point to the number four and five, meaning it’s four twenty-five in the morning and Alluka will probably murder him tomorrow for staying up so late. All because Killua didn’t want to stop talking to his best friend.

“Yeah,” he says reluctantly. “It’s pretty late...”

“You should probably get to bed, then.” Gon sounds unhappy, disappointed, and Killua’s mind instantly supplies the image of a kicked puppy. He fights down the snicker before it can get past his lips. 

“I guess, yeah.”

“So you should, um. You should hang up then.”

A smile makes its way onto Killua’s lips. “Probably.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“Killua.”

“Gon.”

“Why aren’t you hanging up?”

“Why aren’t _you_ hanging up?” Killua shoots back and gets an irritated huff in return.

“Because! I don’t want to be the one to say goodbye!”

“What are you, five?!” Killua retorts. “It’s not goodbye, idiot, it’s just...a see you later. We’ll see each other again. You know that.”

There’s a short pause. When Gon speaks again, his voice is low enough that Killua has to strain to hear it-

“Soon, Killua?”

Killua closes his eyes, that annoying sting coming back in full force. It takes him a moment before he can speak again.

“Yeah," he says quietly. "Soon.”

“Promise?”

“I promise, Gon.”

There’s a heavy, crackling sigh. “Okay. Then...goodnight, Killua. I miss you.”

Killua’s throat is burning now. Still, he manages to croak out, “Miss you, too, Gon. I’ll text you some pictures when I get up.”

He ends the call before Gon can say anything else. He stares at Gon’s name for a few seconds as it flashes across the top of his cell’s screen, letting him know that he’d been talking to Gon for nearly five hours.

He smiles bitterly. Five hours. A new record for them. One they'll surely break again sometime soon.

He turns the phone off, rolling over onto his side and pulling the covers up to his chin. Even then it takes another thirty minutes for him to fall asleep, the same amount of time it takes for the ache in his throat and eyes and heart to fade to a tolerable level.

Killua always misses Gon. That’s a given. But it’s nice to know that his feelings are reciprocated at the very least.

**Author's Note:**

> For crowsintheforest (aka xyliane) on tumblr! Because she sent me this word and I felt like writing something and she’s amazing and wonderful, so, why not?
> 
> I have a really long killugon fic coming out soon, by the way. I'm sorry for the lack of posting lately; I'm dealing with some really bad headaches and school and studying for a certification test. So, it's been a lot. I still love my boys, though <3
> 
> [My tumblr](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)
> 
> [(I have a twitter now too if you'd like to check that out???)](https://twitter.com/decembercamie)


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